steward and i became more closer.. masyado na kaming attached sa isat-isa.. pero habang tumatagal iba na yung napapansin ko sa kanya and it bothered me a lot.. iba na kasi yung closeness and concern na pinapakita nya saken.. parang may ibang meaning na kasi!! at kahit anong pilit kong balewalain yun mas lalo lang syang nagiging transparent saken..
i was afraid kasi ayokong ma-fall sya saken at ayoko ding ma-fall sa kanya.. i dont have time for that and i dont wanna be unfair to him.. hindi pa ko ready eh! at ayoko ng masaktan ulet.. But what should i do?? if the thing im scared about came to reality...
if my mind serves me right it was November 15, 2005.. as usual, i spend my whole day in my bestfriends house.. kina lalaine! steward was also there... malapit lang kasi house nya dun, and when i decide to go home, hinatid ako ni steward... nakasakay kame nun sa tricycle papasok ng subdivision.. common na saken yung ganung eksena kasi madalas naman nya kong ihatid but what makes it different is when he finally asked me if i can allow him to court me... tinawanan ko lang sya that time at idinaan ko sa biro ang lahat... pinilit kong ibahin ang topic but then i failed.... sabi ko nga sa sarili ko, nangyari na ang kinatatakutan ko!! pero honestly i saw the sinserity in his eyes kaya nga i leave him with a smile on my face and tell him its not the right time for us... alam nya yung sitwasyon ko so i dont need to explain it further more...
actually, steward is very nice person! he treated me well, kaya lang its not the right time for us... and kahit gaano sya kabait saken hindi nun mabubura yung pain na ramdam pa din ng heart ko that time. i just need my time first to heel my broken heart and i know for sure that he understands my situation.. and i thanked him for that!
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